Hidden Tears

Life...not so easy..I know...we the one shud try the best in making our life more beautiful...but mine...nearly reach those shining light each times i gave all of me ...unfortunately....drown in the lake of darkness...


Tried to stop myself from thinking so far...I know the result would hurt me deeply...if I keep on caring about those or the things that dun even see me exist...maybe im so dumb...yeah...more worse....it complicated...not all feelings easily to be confess out through this mouth....it hurt deeply...


I realize...since that day...this smile on my face so fake...it not the real me that i know...i knew..people change..so do i...but this changes on me...not making it more encouraging...but rather fail me down...


People keep saying i shud be matured...i realized im not matured enuff for my age now...but...if that the real me..y shud i change..i know..some of the things i need to..want or not..that i dun mind..but if u said to change almost half of me..better dun say anything...i am who i am...it hurt so much when i give my best to be wat people want...even i know..im so fool for it...i shud not easily make myself weak...yet they dun even realize my hardwork in trying to make them satisfy...


But for my lovable people..I sincerely love n appreciate those who really understand n care or love me as the way i am...those people really sweet people i have ever known..n i will never let them go in my life...thanks to them...any mistakes i made..they still stay wif me...im touched...thank u so much for all the things u guys did to me...deeply thanks from the bottom of my heart...


I luv myself once before..which i never give up in any of the obstacles that facing me...my spirit so high that no one can stop my self confidence....but me now..like seeing bomb that nearly explode....waiting for the time to be 0..n everything over....i know..shud not think this way..i shud be tough...this is the way of life is...but...which human can stand the pains that come non stop n feel..so lonely...sorrow...shadow...everything related to dark haunting u....


I dunno wat happen to myself...i dun even know wat exactly i wan now..the person who always tried to catch her dreams n smile n put every single of her feelings through watever that she do...put her heart n soul in everything which made her feel more fresh..calm n peace....even when the most thing that she love to do which is drawing seem like annoying to her now...is that wat i really want for the rest of my life starting now...of course no...but it not that easy to change back to old days....


Pains keep coming when feel this heart cant even flows the spirit to this hand to create a wonderful n lively drawings like before...n cant even continue to be strong n confident since that days...


Remembering memories...more hurt stabbing through this heart....go back to those sweet times....then realize...now...not the same as that time...memories cant be happen twice...cant be create twice...cant be act twice.....reality is cruel....most people said that...if me before..i will said..who care about those reality as long u did ur best n believe in urself...but me now...i dun think so..i rather see it so true that i cant even deny it anymore...


Maybe before i can say n lie to myself..u can do this....u so strong..dun care about others...u did a good job...dun give up...u will find ur happiness..ur hardwork will be repay n so on...yet...this moment...those words like not even go through my ears...then how can this heart accept those words again...


I wanna shout..I wanna cry all of me...but..I guess i will always be in this weak position...always get bully easily...forgot how to fight back...keep myself low...quarantine myself with my fantasy like i did once before...but always treasure those n the things that really priceless to me...


Everytime I sad...i will create some poems...Bring back those poems made me calm a bit...
Here some of my poems...not that awesome..but exist from deep in my heart... :-


*In this moment,I realized that the diamond was a fake,
At the end of time,I still holding my empty hand compare to urs,
This shattered heart can't even be replace with billion of golds,
My weak body that I used to live in this cruel and unfair world have been separated from it soul,
So pathetic,I'm not more or less than a doll which always be toying around with a heartless person like You.


*Starting with ur love....Ending with ur leave,
U made it impossible...For my heart to achieve,
Without I realize...My tears flooding in my eyes,
And begin to rain slowly...This pains feel so heavy,
How can I continue this life?...You far away from my side,
This emptiness...Full of loneliness,
This shadow...Fill with sorrow,
Will this hurt fade away?...As time goes by everyday.......~


*If seeing me exist is a torture for ur eyes,
Express the truth from the bottom of ur heart,
Leaves falling around the trees,
Dancing freely as the soft breeze keep on company,
Until when will I get the answers from ur silent mode,
Towards all my questions that been bold,
If that times really point a date to meet,
Which I wish maybe the day of light will at least be a little part of me.

Result/New Semester

Just saw my result yesterday...Im very happy with it...It not so wonderful but at least im satisfied with it...coz i know...im lazy for the last sem..I ruined many things...troubled many peoples...really feel guilty for that...Thank u for everything to everyone in my life...i appreciate every single things that u done for me..Im the type of person who hardly confess like sorry or thank you to anyone...so hope u guys accept my sincerity in here...luv u guys a lot...


New sem....woahhhh...!! still continue from the last blog that i post...ahahahah...yeahhh kinda.....still not satisfy with it..holiday...for me still not enough...arghhhhhhhhhhh i want more holiday....


I did said i wanna try my best for this new sem...sighhhh.....maybe for the second week of new sem..LOL...
ohhhh myy...!! i got so many excuses...i dun wanna come for the first week of new sem...how terrible is that...well...i do...will try my best...hope everything gonna be okay for this new sem...


Happy ending holiday guys...n Happy new sem to all of u...!! My heart burst to cry....(T.T)

New Semester

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....Im not ready yet for new sem...it only 2 weeks holiday..maybe for some people it enough..but for me....my stress n tension from last sem still stick with me...sighhhhh~


Plus with exam result...i cant bear with it...really nervous n my heartbeat beat fast everytime think about it...i cant even sleep well n stress thinking about exam...i admit i didnt did very well last sem...regret now also no point..but i juz wish the exam result will be okay..it enough for me...(T.T)


New sem plz be better for me..i wanna do my best...<<<< i know i keep saying the same things each sem..but after wat happen...i dun wan be like that anymore..tired n exhausted...torturing myself n also other people around me...i gave lot troubles...n i appreciate also wanna say thank u very much to those who helping n encourage me all this time..thanks a lot...


will try my best...not awesome or fabulous but better...yoshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! i will not give up..!! plz gimme another chance...!!

Twitter

Well..everyone keep talking about twitter...Since before..I wanna make one account of it but then...when i gave many thoughts of it again..i had too much sites like FB..Myspace..Blogger..Tagged n much more...so I scare if i make twitter..too much to be open later...im lazy..=.="

But then after many times heard about twitter lately...n i have nothing to do..so  i wanna try seeing this twitter n how it works...lol...so i juz created one n it not that hard to learn at first...i thought it will be complicated since friendster..myspace..blogger even facebook at first time..im a bit confuse to it..=.="

I know it a bit...errrr...fine....so late for me making this twitter...=.=" while most people aldy advanced wif it..

well...who care...i wanna have experiences while adventuring this twitter...>.< even aldy so outdated of me...aahhaha...

Someone told me..we can tweet wif our fav artist...or singer...or anyone u want if they REALLY have one account of it...n some said they do reply ur tweet...depend on the artist...but then for me...im not really sure...is that really true?im not saying all fake but...juz...it juz....hard? i know artist too busy but still have their time for tweet n fb or any other sites...but then...sometime i feel when the artist replied...it not like the artist attitude to reply in that way...coz when i see them on tv or on the stage or any media...they seem different...yeahhh.. i know people can be different on real life than on the internet..games..or sites...or chatting....=.=" seeing one fan saying like "hello im your BIG fan...i really love u so much..." then the artist replied..."hey..thanks for being my fans sweetie..." i was like >>>> O_O  when i know the characteristic of the artist was like shy n cute kind of person..suddenly replied like that which i feel like "u gotta be kidding me" ...who using that account n act like him/her...=.=" it really hard for me to believe that it is really him/her...

sighhhhh...maybe im juz tooooooooooooooo hard to trust something that i need the prove first for it...=.="

well..im not that easy to be trick for something that i really want or love it...=.=" 

But if it really true about the artist account...if it really him/her...that good then...at least they are sociable n want to interact wif their fans...nice attitude of an artist.. ^_^

Had a twitter account now made me spent more times in front of my laptop..=.=" 

how great is that....omg... ~(@.@) ~

Dangdut...ahahahhaha.........>.> yeahhhh~

well...hurmmm dangdut...>.>  i know...it not like me...but i dunno y...this style of song so famous once before..i luv how the dangdut song before..not like now...mostly so sexy n horny video they make...not interesting at all like in the past...seem like dangdut aldy change to bad style of song..poor dangdut...


when talk about dangdut...the only dangdut singer that i know is amelina...she so famous before..now she seem like disappear...dunno where she go...some said this n some said that..well..i juz hope she living her own happy life...she truly a great dangdut singer...many people admire her...even her songs still live on till now...


my grandpa(game grandpa)....asked me few days ago about dangdut songs...i was like...laughing so hard n it so hilarious that he suddenly asked me about it...few conversation happen about dangdut between us..that where it begin that i browsed some dangdut song from amelina...n it seem i luv that song again...thanks grandpa for bring me back to old memories of mine...it so funneh when u asked me...LOL...


one of amelina song bring me back to one nice memories...i remember went to my dad company family day...at one hotel dun quietly remember..it was long long long time ago...we having dinner...at that place amelina song was played...i fall in luv wif her song that time...coz it so famous in that time..when i was teenager..i always tried to search back the song i heard from her...but i dun even know the song title..i only know the name of the singer...i gave up many times since i cant remember it..so i aldy forgot about the song...till few days ago after i had my chat wif my grandpa...lmao...i searched n accidently found it...i was happy n enjoy the song...cant believe it that i met that song once again...ahahahah...

here the song...:-

this is my fav song from amelina before..the one i tried to search at last i found it..>.<

i like the style of the music..so catchy n cheerful..n a lil bit funny..i dunno y...lol..maybe coz of the Ah Ah part..

other song from her also...:-

and this one...mun..my fren showed it to me before...n i like it also..duet of amelina n iwan....:-

~ENJOY~